May 25, 2019 · Poetry
I'm scared of the dark. But it's not the dark that fills my room when I sleep rather, it's the dark that fills my feelings when I can't And the fear is real and the real is a distortion of what Is happening in my life when I'm struggling to cope. It's also not the dark that I face walking home alone rather, it's the dark that keeps me alone when I'm not by myself and I'm surrounded by those who love me in those moments when I'm not sure how to feel it. See that's what makes the darkness a scary thing: the prospect that we can't understand or know what's out there in a light-less void when one of our senses becomes completely and utterly useless to us. When our fires flicker and dimly fade into normality and we become bystanders, pedestrians, and strangers only because we're not living a life we feel is worthy of fundamentals like respect, enjoyment, or purpose. And once you stop fearing the light is when the darkness begins to make more sense and you understand that there is no darkness that cannot be illuminated, eradicated, brightened, or supported. We do not ever light up our worlds on our own as the power we need and the beacons we shine require electricity that can only be transmitted through love and community and belonging. See, the darkness was never about being unable to see where you were or how to work through it but typically the fact that it's seldom easy to see how we could be anywhere else safer and brighter. And it's okay to have fears and doubts and of course be scared of the dark. None of us has to face this fear alone in spite of our modern world that can make us feel so lonely and disconnected from each other. Let your beacon burn bright for those you care for and don't preclude yourself from their warmth and light that can do the same for you just as easily when it feels too dark, too hard, and you're scary to try. It ain't easy to face your greatest fears and the sort you feel in this kind of darkness can consume your very ability to understand how challenging it is when you forget how brightly your own light still shines.